A Message From Peter
Hi All,
It's been an incredibly busy three months, and we've got a lot going on in this newsletter!
First, as promised, an 'insider' report on the Torino Olympics. I was there as the coordinator of Canada's sport psychologists, and the team sport psych for the Women's hockey team. In my first podcast, I take a look back at Torino - and look forward to Beijing 2008, and Vancouver 2010. If you've ever wondered how they get the beer into a hockey locker room to celebrate a victory, now is your chance to find out!!
Next, an opportunity to sign up for a Coaching for High Performance workshop running roughly a month from now (June 5-6) in Toronto. This is a great opportunity to put a couple of new managers through our program, or to jump-start a coaching culture in your organization.
Third, a piece I wrote on self-confidence that I distributed to the 27 women vying for spots on the hockey team in 2005. It has a lot of hockey references, but is equally applicable to any high-pressure situation you find yourself in.
Finally, our 'final thought'. In a short video, one of our trainers, Karyn Garossino, explores 'Einstein's Question' - part of our Inside Edge workshop.
There's a lot to digest here - I hope you find it all interesting, and I invite you to let us know what you think of the podcast, or anything else in the newsletter, at peter@performancecoaching.ca.
See you all soon,
Torino 2006: Peter's Podcast Wrap-Up
What is it like for an athlete in the year leading up to an Olympic games?
How did the Canadian team work to come together as a cohesive unit for the games in Torino?
How did the women's hockey team get the beer into the dressing room for their gold medal celebration?
All these questions, and more, are answered in Peter's 'Report on Torino' Podcast. To listen to the Podcast in .mp3 format, simply click the 'Listen Now' link below. If you wish to save the Podcast to listen to later (or even transfer to your iPod), 'right-click' the link and choose 'Save Target As...' to save it to your computer.
Become a Great Coach this June
Performance Coaching is pleased to offer our Coaching for High Performance program as a public workshop taking place this June 5th - 6th in Toronto.
If you're an HR manager from a larger firm, this is your opportunity to get a handful of new managers up to speed immediately - without waiting until you have the resources to run an in-house workshop.
If you're a manager from a small or medium-sized business, this is the perfect opportunity to jump-start a coaching culture in your organization - without the cost of an on-site workshop.
Now is your chance to:
Click below to learn more about our Coaching for High Performance program. Once you click through, you'll be able to watch video clips from the program, read testimonials from those that have been there, and explore case studies that highlight the exceptional results others have realized from using the skills of coaching.
P.S. Invite your team members and colleagues to join you, and increase the impact coaching will have on your organization. Call us at 1-800-513-0945 for more information on enrolling four people for the price of three.
Self-Confidence: Think and Act Like a Champion!
by Dr. Peter Jensen
The following 'column' was written by Peter and distributed to all of the women vying for spots on the Olympic hockey team, during Olympic trials in late 2005. It has been modified somewhat, but remains essentially unchanged.
I sit down to write this piece on confidence and somewhere in the back recesses of my mind is that episode from the Simpsons where the slimy self help guru is selling a program called 'Get Confident Stupid."
There are many things we can do to improve our confidence because it is closely connected to our attitude and worldview. None of them, however, involve beating yourself up or in any way undermining yourself. The first step in moving to higher self esteem and confidence is to engage your free will, your 3rd factor, the innate ability of human beings to step back, observe what is going on inside of us and choose to play a direct role in our own development and, I might add, our best self interest.
Loss of confidence is often accompanied by scathing self-criticism. Itemizing your shortcomings and/or putting yourself down sometimes appears to be helpful in motivating you; but that is a losing game in the end. That habit can take over. Later, when you need to believe in yourself, see your best qualities - you find you have lost the ability to do so. One of the cardinal rules is that if someone constantly makes you feel poorly about yourself they are not healthy for you to be around.
When that person is our self we can't just walk away. We need to observe what we are saying to ourselves, what we are choosing to pay attention to, what is triggering the negative thinking, and whether it is really true or not. Ultimately we have to focus on a message that builds us up, not drags us down, even if it doesn't appear to be true in the moment. It always amazes me that people have little problem misleading themselves with false illusions like "I'm awful" or "I'm so bad at that" or "I'm the worst" and yet object to a positive illusion like "I'm getting better at this', "I can do this' "I can turn this around" which, even if it feels untrue in the moment, will very soon be true if you act on it.
Until you decide that you are sick and tired of living with someone who puts you down, feeds your doubts, and doesn't make you feel good about yourself, nothing of any value will happen or change. You can not live in a self abusive relationship and maintain self confidence any more than a child can develop high self worth while in the spell of a parent who is constantly critical and judgmental. This may not be an easy first step but determination in the face of your own resistance, and your own lack of belief that you can change this attitude toward yourself, is critical if you want to change it. There is absolutely no value in low self-confidence. It doesn't serve your best interests in any way.
Fear is the number one reason we lose our ability to see ourselves as we really are with all our gifts, our limitations, and our possibilities. Fear is a very powerful force that can dominate our psyche; especially when the stakes are high and uncertainty reigns. It is okay to acknowledge that you are afraid. We don't want fear hiding in the bushes; we want it right out front where we can see it. Like any formidable opponent - I want to know its moves. Only then can I adequately prepare to deal with it. But like any formidable opponent I will need to be very aware and have a plan for how to counteract its negative power.
Some of you have a good reason to be afraid, you aren't crazy. Making the team is important to you. The part of you that is afraid is sounding a warning; it is saying 'beware', danger ahead. Good, we need to know that. But it isn't what I want to focus on now. Now I want to focus on skating and playing my best. If and when disappointment comes, I will deal with it and I will survive it. But I certainly don't want the fear of disappointment to effect how I am going to skate now. Now is the time to be focused on giving it everything I have, strutting my stuff. There is great satisfaction and honour in having done everything you could have. If disappointment comes, the knowledge that you gave it your best will temper the impact of the disappointment and allow you to move on quicker.
So the first step is to decide to develop the will to do this. I encourage you to listen to the Inside Edge CD I gave each of you. You can't get too much motivation at times like this. The section on optimism and cognitive errors will be particularly of value to you.
To finish, here are seven things you can try if you start to feel your self-confidence slipping:
- Borrow from your past. Get in touch with times when you were on your game and bring those feelings alive in you. Once you have the feelings, pre-play in your mind how you want to be at the next game, practice, etc.
- Talk to, and spend time with, people who bring out the best in you. Avoid the naysayers and fear mongers. If you have to talk to, or spend time with, people who bring you down, don't accept their version of events. Debate quietly to yourself every criticism or sweeping generalization they make. Most people, adults included, have a fear of dealing with disappointment and failure. They will project onto you their fears, their worries. Others, even though they may love you, don't know how to talk about what you are going through and may not understand your needs. If you get caught up in arguing with them or yelling at them, you will only dig yourself a deeper hole and will probably feel bad about yourself afterwards. If some people affect you negatively and you don't have to call them or be in their company, then don't. Eliminate the stressor if you can. Talk to and spend time with people who bring out the best in you.
- It shouldn't really surprise you that your confidence is being challenged. Bring some perspective to bear on it. You are in a highly competitive environment.... you are trying to make the Olympic team. You can't do these things without running into adversity. It comes with the territory. If you had everything it took to get to the next level you would be there now. Dealing with adversity is a lesson we have to learn and an exam we have to pass to get to the next level. It challenges your confidence. This is why you are in sport. You love a challenge. You can't always choose your challenges any more than the cancer patient chooses her illness. Take an inquisitive approach. Treat it as a puzzle to be solved. Be Hermonie in Harry Potter! By the way perspective also helps...thus the cancer example.
- Number 4 Bobby Orr, one of my heroes. Who are yours and how are you 'using' them? Be or act like your heroine. How would she handle this? Sometimes an image of someone else helps. Please remember it isn't only the mind that sends messages that build confidence, so does the body. To quote Gatean Boucher "think and act like a champion." Those are 2 separate things. Don't forget the acting.
- Don't let things grow. Nip them in the bud. If you are uncertain about something, don't wrestle with it and create a 'reality' that isn't even close to the truth. Go and ask a teammate, for example, what she thinks it means that you were left off the roster for a road trip, or didn't get on the penalty kill, or were put on another line. If that doesn't stop the wonder and the worry then ask the coaches.
- Fall back in love with playing hockey. The key word there is playing. Write out a list of all of the reasons you like to play hockey and focus on one or two each day. Be playful. It is a game. Sometimes we give it all to much importance and make it more difficult. Kurt Browning once told me, "I'm giving that triple axel way too much respect." He knew he had to lighten up so he could rotate the jump. What would you do better if you tried softer, lightened up?
- A sense of humour helps. Take what you are doing seriously but yourself lightly. It also helps to separate you from your actions/behaviours. You are not the last shift you had, the last period, or the last game. You can be very unhappy with those but be ok with yourself. If we beat up on ourselves then how do we get over or deal with the challenge of the bad shift, period or game? When you give away your confidence on those things you have dramatically 'overpaid' for the mistake. By all means insist on excellence but keep your confidence and self-esteem so you can deal with the challenge of being excellent.
What is Einstein's question?
Albert Einstein believed there was one question that, if answered, would tell you more about a person than any other. What is the question? And, how does it apply to your life?
Click the large 'play' button in the center of the picture below to see Karyn discuss Einstein's question during an Inside Edge presentation in Toronto.